This MUST be a bad dream--why can't I wake up?!

I didn't "tempt fate" by saying, "Things couldn't get any worse" or by asking, "What next?!" or any of that. And yet, today... MORE BAD NEWS. For f*ck’s sake! Enough already!!

Many of you know that my dear friend, the VQ, was diagnosed with stage IV cancer in January 2004. And then in November '04, after months of prayer and alternative therapies, we were told that the cancer was in complete remission. The news came the day before my birthday. It was an answer to many prayers and the best gift I could have received. It was unexpected and wonderfully good news. We sighed a huge sigh of relief and thanked God for this miracle.

A few months ago, on July 20th, the VQ's oncologist died suddenly of a heart attack at the young age of 41. (Another tragedy.) She recently went to see a new oncologist who ordered a whole slew of tests so he could acquaint himself with her case and see where she's at now. She went today to get the test results. None of us expected anything but good news--confirmation that the cancer is still in remission. Unfortunately, our expectations were…well…wrong. She called just after meeting with the doctor to tell us that the news was not good. Not only is the cancer not in remission, it apparently never was. The new doctor found, when he compared the new scans to the old ones, that there was a small tumor in her liver that had, apparently, gone unnoticed, or been mis-read as something other than a tumor.

Even reading this now, it doesn’t seem real to me. I thought the cancer was behind us. I say, “us” because she is much more than a friend. She is my boss, my surrogate Mom, one of my dearest friends and confidants. I am in a state of shock...refusing to believe this is real...wanting desperately to wake up from this bad dream.