A Rather Good Rant
I feel like this is cheating, but, oh well... While I haven't been sharing anything new here at Timely Manor, I have been busy reading, and occasionally commenting on my dear friends' blogs. Ms Camille has been particularly prolific lately and I posted the following rant as a comment on her blog earlier this week. I decided to share it here for those of you who may have missed it. To read the original post I was commenting on, click on the link to Ms Camille's blog and scroll down to Sunday, May 15. Enjoy...
A Rather Good Rant
Why ARE we still single?! I think of the four of us [speaking of myself, Camille, Miss S and the Celestial One] and I wonder... We are all smart, beautiful, fun, talented, devoted to the Lord... What more could a man want in a woman? Is it because He has some higher purpose for our lives?... Something He has yet to reveal to us?... Or are we simply destined to lives of spinsterhood for no particular reason?... I try to focus on the positive... Think of all the freedom I have that I wouldn't have if I were un-single... The freedom to change my plans on a whim... The freedom to... Hmm, I'm certain there were others, but I can't seem to recall any of them at the moment. C'est la vie.
Oh, and I must say, I wholeheartedly agree with Miss S regarding the irritation felt when others (especially MARRIED others) offer "helpful" or "encouraging" words. They tend to be neither helpful nor encouraging. Here's a recent example: A well-meaning friend (a woman who hasn't experienced "single life" since her early twenties) tried to encourage me by pointing out that an ex-best friend of mine, nearly ten years my junior, is still single. HOW is that supposed to encourage me?!
Uh-oh, Camille, we seem to have hit a rather sensitive nerve here. Perhaps I should close and get back to work before I vent any more spleen of my own. I apologize for the diatribe. I'll stop now.
Contessa | 05.16.05
posted by The Contessa @ 9:45 AM
8 Comments:
Don't Stop!
I was hoping that since you were using your own blog for a forum that you'd go ahead and elaborate some more. I want to hear all the nasty details! All the unhelpful things that the smug marrieds say! All the irritating platitudes! All the looks of pity, the forced sympathy, the unasked for, and stupid advice! And what about ranting how annoying it is hanging out with single women and all they ever kvetch about is how they can't get a date! (not you and I, of course)
I would comment, but I guess my thoughts will do no good since I'm married. Marriage causes your brain to melt so that all your comments turn out to be seriously unhelpful to your friends, neighbors, and children. Thanks for the insight to my own bad advice, it gives me pause for Sunday as I prepare to speak about relationships from a married perspective to singles. I pray I can get some insight that is helpful...
Camille, my dear, I'd felt I'd said enough already, but I do appreciate your encouraging me to elaborate. And you're right, the flip side of the "smug marrieds" would be the "annoying singles" who can talk of nothing but their miserable single-ness. Thank God you and I have art and music and other wonderful things in our lives to occupy and entertain us!
My dear Naba,
You've misunderstood me. I'm not saying that you have nothing useful to share in the way of insight or advice from a married perspective. Au contraire! I think you've been doing an exemplary job teaching the "Sacred Romance" series. Truly outstanding, as a matter of fact. What I find annoying is married people who've had no recent experience with singleness--especially those who married in their twenties and will _never_ know what it's like to be my age and still single--telling me, "You'll find someone... There are lots of single Christian men out there." Oh sure, if I want to rob the cradle and marry someone in their early twenties! Look around, people! Christians don't generally wait until they're my age to marry! The few single Christian men (and I'm excluding 20-somethings here) that do exist are either divorced, desperate, or committed to bachelorhood. Yes, of course I'm generalizing. And yes, there are reasons I wouldn't want to marry a divorcee. And no, I'm not desperate. Frustrated and discouraged? Yes. Desperate? No.
I jumped into the game a little late. Never having had any positive examples of marriage, it wasn’t something I wanted. I “just wanted to have fun.” I didn't begin my relationship with Jesus until I was nearly 30, and it still took awhile for me to come around to the perspective of desiring marriage. So now I'm over 30 and still single. I don’t dwell on this. My singleness doesn’t define me, but it is a fact of my life. I could go on, but I think I’ve said enough for now, and I do need to get on with my day. One of my single gal pals just called and I’m heading out to meet her for a bite to eat. One of the freedoms of being single—I don’t have to plan my day around anyone else. : )
Thanks for reading. See you soon.
The Contessa
Hi Howie. Welcome to Timely Manor. Thanks for commenting. I took a quick perusal of your blog--looks interesting. I plan to re-visit when I have time for a more in-depth reading of it. So, I'm curious, how did you happen to stumble upon Timely Manor? The only item I noted in common in our profiles was Tori Amos. Care to share?...
I gotchya! I appreciate the kindness and the ranting both. I frankly need the ranting. I see so many lazy men in Flip Flop and it makes me sad. The guys in this town are seriously dumb, cause I see many a wondeful Christian girl who gets passed up for ???? no reason other than the guys must be ... stupid. Not that all the girls are perfect either. Some are crazy to be sure, but sheesh. Why do I even have such a hard time finding men for friends who are intelligent, non macho, but have a little spine and are confident enought to not try and out do the other guys? I feel your pain, and I'm not even gay. I just want a friend or two.
Horatio, thank you for your comments. A friend of mine used to say, "Men are stupid and women are crazy." I appreciate the humor of that and there may be a bit of truth to it as well, but the bottom line is, none of us are perfect. I think there's a lot of confusion these days as to how we're "supposed to" act towards the opposite sex. As a woman, I want to be treated with respect and recognized as the strong and capable individual that I am, but that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate having doors opened for me and that sort of behavior which is now so often thought of as "old fashioned" or no longer appropriate (especially in a town like Flip Flop). And then there's the question of whether or not it is appropriate for women to pursue men. I think most people would say, "Yes," and I wouldn't disagree with them, but I had a prayer experience where God clearly told me, "Do not pursue." Perhaps that was meant only for the specific situation I was dealing with at the time, but I've really taken it to heart. I believe that I am worth pursuing. That if God has someone for me, He will bring him into my life at the appropriate time, and he will pursue me. The question is whether or not God has someone for me. Perhaps He doesn't. Anyway, I've rambled on again, and I really should be working.
I appreciate your empathy, Horatio. And, as the song says... "You've got a friend..." (More than one, actually.)
isn't it funny how even though we live in a fallen world with fallen lives and fallen loves and fallen, sickly bodies that we somehow assume relationships are exempt from all this (i.e., there is no reason you should not all be married - aside from your afore mentioned male-brain damage)? i know this is not much of an encouragement (and you already know all this) but our god has a strage way of making beauty out of the ashes of our singleness.
in Him,
mike
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