The world is on fire (click here)

Hearts are worn in these dark ages
You're not alone in this story's pages
The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And I'll try to hold it in, yeah I'll try to hold it in

[Chorus]
The world's on fire and
It's more than I can handle
I'll tap into the water
(Try and bring my share)
I try to bring more
More than I can handle
(Bring it to the table)
Bring what I am able

I watch the heavens but I find no calling
Something I can do to change what's coming
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone

[Chorus]

Hearts break, hearts mend
Love still hurts
Visions clash, planes crash
Still there's talk of
Saving souls, still the cold
Is closing in on us

We part the veil on Archille's Sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take, the less we become
A fortune of one that means less for some

[Chorus X2]

- "World On Fire" by Sarah McLachlan

Like falling down and calling for help and then you get kicked in the stomach.

(yes, i stole that from naba.) so now i have a viral infection. great. but i'm not bitter (ha). i am, however, a bit bored. i'm supposed to be resting--doctor's orders--and i don't do well with idleness. i don't have cable tv to keep me entertained, but i do have a plethora of video tapes. many of these tapes were inherited from my former housemate, the beloved J, and many of them are mis-labled, so i'm never quite sure what i'll get when i pop a tape in. yesterday i watched "wild hearts can't be broken" (a nice little disney film), "milo and otis" (cute kittens & puppies, but really rather boring), and a classic from the late 80s, "dirty dancing" (with one of cinema's all-time cheezy-est lines, "nobody puts baby in the corner"). today i popped in a tape that was supposed to be movies but turned out to be the opening ceremonies of the 1998 winter olympics--over 3 hours of coverage. i always get a kick out of watching old tv tapes. i find even the commercials amusing. following the olympics coverage was the news. (i had forgotten about the "el nino" storms of '98--devastating at the time, yet a mere drop in the bucket when compared to the current devastation in the gulf states.) and then we had david letterman, whose guest was drew barrymore. damn if she doesn't have the nicest lips. i mean it, that woman wears red lipstick like nobody's business--sheer perfection. and she had on the most gorgeous outfit--so elegant. i think i have a bit of a "girl crush" on ms. barrymore.

ok, change of subject... here's a movie quote for you from "the tao of steve": "Don Giovanni slept with thousands of women because he was afraid he wouldn't be loved by one." sadly, this reminds me of someone i know, but that's another story for another day. i think it's about time i put myself to bed.

endometriosis

en·do·me·tri·osis (noun): the presence and growth of functioning endometrial tissue in places other than the uterus, often resulting in severe pain and infertility.

As it grows, as its territory expands, I find the familiarity of the pain strangely comforting. Trouble is, the pain will, most likely, get a lot worse. And, although I am trying alternative methods, surgery seems inevitable. It doesn't scare me--not the surgery itself. Been there, done that, lived to tell about it. (If only it were that simple to get rid of my headaches, I'd gladly go under the knife again.) No, my fear is the time lost. I can't afford the loss of time even more than I can't afford the financial burden. I've already lost over a month of my life thanks to the evil landlady. I'm way behind in my work and I've barely begun to unpack and settle in to my new home. What I definitely do NOT need right now is to be laid up for 2-3 weeks, unable to work or do anything useful.

I was thinking, the other day, about the past several months. It's been one thing after another knocking me off balance, and just when I'm starting to get back up and regain my footing, WHAM! along comes something else. It's like when you're a little kid, playing in the ocean, and you get out a little bit too far, and as you're trying to get back to shore, a wave knocks you down. As you get your head above water, maybe even get back on your feet, another wave comes along and knocks you back down, and then another and another. That's how I feel.

The Contessa's bio

You _must_ read the fabulous bio that my charming & talented friend, Camille wrote for me. I've posted it on my profile. Enjoy!

It's good to be taken care of

I spent last weekend as I have spent the past 9 Labor Day weekends--working at a large arts festival. Yes, I miss out on the fun holiday weekend BBQs and such, but there is a certain comraderie that develops within the festival staff and crew that I have come to look forward to and enjoy. My job at the festival keeps me tied to a desk all weekend. I have few opportunities to get away for food or anything else, and I'm needed there from 7am until as late as midnight. (You'd be surprised how much goes into putting on an event like that if you've never worked one yourself.) Anyway, since I'm there all day, all weekend, people take pity on me and bring me things to eat and drink. They take care of me. Countless times throughout the day, I am asked, "Do you need anything?" "Can I get you anything?" How nice is that? How often do you have people that eager to take care of you? I don't know about you, but that's pretty rare for me. At the end of the night someone always insists on chauffering me (in a golf car) to my car, and on the 1 or 2 nights that I get off work before 10pm, I get a home-cooked meal prepared for me. In addition to all that, I had 6 EMTs respond when one of the other Production staff members put out a call because I had--get this--a bug bite. Yes, I think they may have been a bit bored that day, but 6 EMTs to treat one bug bite?! And I got 2 follow-up visits!! Really! After 10 years at the festival almost everyone treats me like I'm their kid sister (except for some of the young men on the crew, but that's another story). If it weren't for the extra-long work days, it might actually feel like a holiday weekend. All this to say, it's good to be taken care of.

Lost in the past

It's 1996 on KFOG's "10@10" and I'm lost in the past again. Gin Blossoms "Follow you Down," The Wonders "That Thing You Do," Jars of Clay "Flood," Alanis Morrisette "Ironic," Wallflowers "Three Marlenas"...
I remember it all so well. There was still a swing scene back then. I remember who I was hanging out with. I remember listening to these very songs on the radio, driving with friends to go dancing in SJ or SF. Has it been 9 years already since then?! Doesn't seem possible. And yet it is.

And here I am back in the present, but wishing for the past. Today wasn't a very good day. Got some (more) bad news. Haven't I had enough bad news for one year?! And this is exactly why I wasn't going to post tonight, yet here I am. Yes, things could be far, far worse. I have lost neither home nor family nor friends in the Katrina hurricane tragedy. So I should stop whining, right? Right. And so I shall.